Aside

Today I want to crawl out of my skin, out of this shell, into the wild

I want to sit under the stars and count each one as they turn on at night

I want to be an imagined figure, out alone, with no distractions, no reason to return

I want to be surrounded by warmth and love , by the earth, only the earth

I have a restlessness inside me I cant seem to settle

No matter how far I go, or if I return home

No matter who I meet, who I lay next too

It is a restlessness I both hope and fear wont go away

So I will sit and listen, wait and watch

Follow my heart until I can no longer count the stars

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Aside

I am sitting in this hammock, watching the sun rise. I am alone, surrounded by mist, of a rising light just above the mountains. I take a deep breath – yet nothing, no sound, no noise, the air is still. I smile to myself as I wrap my body in my blanket – warm, safe, secure. There are flashes of the night before, of laughter, of smiles, of games played.

Of a beautiful man looking at me with brown eyes, beckoning and playful. I fall for them. I follow them into the jungle. We stand underneath the stars, his tall, lean, darkened figure illuminated by the moon. I have never seen anyone so beautiful and I am mesmerized by him. We stand together like this for a moment. There is no sound between us, yet we move together, as if in a slow dance. He holds me, he breathes me in, he takes me, wraps himself around me. The skies open and it starts to rain but we don’t stop, we go with the rhythm of each drop as it sits everything around us – like a soft pounding of a drum, music only we can hear. It hits each leaf, each pebble, each tree, each seed which has yet to sprout.

The sun is rising now with my memory of the night before – and I smile.

 

Aside

I am of two people. Always. I am always seeking adventure, of new places, of new experiences, of travel that challenges me, of beautiful places, of beautiful people, of common places – where people have called home.

Where I come through yet leave changed, a different person.

I am this person who watches sunrises and sunsets on different shores, who sleeps under the stars, who wakes on couches. I am this person who meets others and take a journey with them – even if its for only a couple of hours – they change me also, I am different because of each one.

I am this person who never wants to stop exploring, embracing and going with the wind.

I am also this other person – made up of memories of home. Home where love lives – where I know I will settle. I am this person who is surrounded by friends, family, who has success, who loves the sun, the beach, the freedom that comes with knowing who I am and certain in my home.

I am always choosing between the two and I feel I always will

Aside

Its in the silences where things are said

Where the fine line of live or let go are read

The life that was will never come again

The life that would have been now just in pain

How could something so bright, intense and new

Suddenly darken in a day or two

Its forcing and pulling me against the flow

To a path uncertain, to a person I don’t know

I’ll let myself think of him once a day

For an hour that’s all until his memory fades

What was the purpose even for a short time

What was his role in this life of mine

Was it to show me that there could be hope

For pleasure, for love, to no longer feel alone

Was it to show me back to a path

That nourishes my soul, to remind me of my life before it was broken

I have faith that the universe will help me again

To start to heal a broken heart that was never on the mend